March 30, 2010

What gives?

I tried to make a chai latte at home today, and the results were unsuccessful.

I make these really delicious chai lattes at my place of work, they're fucking unbelievably good, and I've just about perfected the process by which they can be made (it involves actual loose-leaf chai tea, and not the stupid pre-blend crap they provide at coffee shops). I tried to re-create that process at home, but a few things caused the resulting beverage to taste like shit. What gives?


In other news, the best film I've ever made was rejected from its first film festival. What gives?


Also, now that I'm done with school I somehow find myself with no time to read books, exercise, or keep my financial and personal records in order. What gives?


p.s. - I'd like to thank random Google Image searches for helping to keep this blog entry more visually stimulating.

March 8, 2010

The Only Two Things.

Two websites that help address any and all of life's circumstances, and should be bookmarked immediately:

Instant Rimshot

Sad Trombone

Running Man.

I exercised on purpose today for the first time in years. It, of course, hurt my body. Did I mention I don't have proper running shorts, so I have to wear cut-off jeans?

My ensemble is a few precarious steps away from a super-gay 1980's rollerblading outfit. It's a great look for the trucking lanes I pass in Pilsen.


Now that I'm finished with school, and I've got a fairly breezy work schedule, I can't really think of a good reason why I shouldn't be exercising the three days a week where I have absolutely nothing better going on. It's free, it's a reason to get out of bed before noon, and maybe by June I'll be able to touch my toes or jog a few miles without stopping.

Here goes nothing!

March 2, 2010

Q-tips.

I use 3 Q-tips literally every single day on my ears. Some days, like if I take a nap and then a second shower, I use more. According to Wikipedia:
Cotton swabs (British English: cotton buds) consist of a small wad of cotton wrapped around either one or both ends of a small rod, usually made of either wood, rolled paper, or plastic.  The cotton swab was invented by Leo Gerstenzang in the 1920s[1], who invented the product after attaching wads of cotton to toothpicks [2]. His product, which he named "Baby Gays" [ed: hahaha], went on to become the most widely sold brand name, "Q-tip", with the Q standing for "quality". The term "Q-tip" is often used as a genericized trademark for any cotton swabs.
You know what's stupid about people claiming that Q-tips are bad for your ears? They assume you only use them infrequently, or when your ears are dry. If you use them often, and while your ears are wet after a shower, you don't have to worry about pushing wax into your ears. Don't be so fucking negative, you know? People who cite that little phrase are worse than people who complain about swallowing gum. The world is a better place if you allow yourself to experience the orgasmic glee of a Q-tip swirling around in your ear canal.

I want you all to take a good look at this picture. Does anything stand out to you?


I found this on the back of a box of Q-tips. It doesn't matter what brand, because something similar appears on nearly every box I've ever seen. What's special is that this particular brand of Q-tips gets something totally, totally wrong. That thing is proportion.


Look at the size of the Q-tip in proportion to that baby's fucking head. Either they've developed a Q-tip that is bigger than a baseball bat, or that baby's head is smaller than a golf ball. In either case, why? Would it really have taken much effort to get it right?

Maybe I'm asking the wrong question. Maybe I should ask: do we, as consumers, really need to be reminded that if Q-tips work on normal-sized humans, then they should also work on tiny humans? I'd like to think I can figure that one out on my own. Yet, if I somehow couldn't figure that out on my own, would the above illustration do the job of helping me understand?

I just don't know.