March 2, 2010

Q-tips.

I use 3 Q-tips literally every single day on my ears. Some days, like if I take a nap and then a second shower, I use more. According to Wikipedia:
Cotton swabs (British English: cotton buds) consist of a small wad of cotton wrapped around either one or both ends of a small rod, usually made of either wood, rolled paper, or plastic.  The cotton swab was invented by Leo Gerstenzang in the 1920s[1], who invented the product after attaching wads of cotton to toothpicks [2]. His product, which he named "Baby Gays" [ed: hahaha], went on to become the most widely sold brand name, "Q-tip", with the Q standing for "quality". The term "Q-tip" is often used as a genericized trademark for any cotton swabs.
You know what's stupid about people claiming that Q-tips are bad for your ears? They assume you only use them infrequently, or when your ears are dry. If you use them often, and while your ears are wet after a shower, you don't have to worry about pushing wax into your ears. Don't be so fucking negative, you know? People who cite that little phrase are worse than people who complain about swallowing gum. The world is a better place if you allow yourself to experience the orgasmic glee of a Q-tip swirling around in your ear canal.

I want you all to take a good look at this picture. Does anything stand out to you?


I found this on the back of a box of Q-tips. It doesn't matter what brand, because something similar appears on nearly every box I've ever seen. What's special is that this particular brand of Q-tips gets something totally, totally wrong. That thing is proportion.


Look at the size of the Q-tip in proportion to that baby's fucking head. Either they've developed a Q-tip that is bigger than a baseball bat, or that baby's head is smaller than a golf ball. In either case, why? Would it really have taken much effort to get it right?

Maybe I'm asking the wrong question. Maybe I should ask: do we, as consumers, really need to be reminded that if Q-tips work on normal-sized humans, then they should also work on tiny humans? I'd like to think I can figure that one out on my own. Yet, if I somehow couldn't figure that out on my own, would the above illustration do the job of helping me understand?

I just don't know.

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